Face it ladies, the romance after a baby is just a wee bit different. Things aren’t the same as before. Hello, your body went through a whirlwind of changes and there’s no knowing if you’ll ever go back to normal again (take it from someone who has two kids: it doesn’t). But I can tell you one thing: hubby doesn’t change. He’ll still look at you the same way he did on your wedding day. And so let me break it to you if you didn’t already know: having babies CHANGES marriage! There’s no maybe to that statement. Having a child will change your relationship to your spouse significantly. In fact, at first it can be super frustrating and even depressing because both of you are running on
little to no sleep and that always turns out to be no good at all.
Okay, so not many people prepare you for what happens to you and your hubs after baby. To be honest with you, there might be a period of time where you will feel completely distanced from your spouse: almost as if you’re living with a roommate and not your soulmate. Oh and there will be arguments, disagreements, and frustrations numerous times.
Here are eleven ways to keep your marriage alive after baby(s).
Eleven Romance Truths After Baby:
1. Forget about late night alone time.
- Hear me on this one: you will have to become creative and do whatever you do at whatever time you get. Because honestly, in the beginning of those newborn weeks, you will find yourself doing a whole lot of nursing and rocking to sleep.
2. Make good use of nap time on the weekends.
- Even if it’s 12 in the afternoon and baby is finally taking a 10 minute nap, grab your hubby and have a make-out session. It makes a world of difference when you can finally connect again. Kissing for at least sixty seconds each day, makes for a much happier hubby (and home).
3. Look for ways to serve your husband.
- This one is huge. It can often feel like as a mom that you are constantly on baby duty all day long. And then once baby is finally out for what often feels like a few seconds, you just want a moment to yourself. Wrong. Don’t forget your baby daddy. He needs some attention from mama too.
4. Don’t feel bad to say no to friends and family.
- I know how important it is to get out and have some time for you, but once you have your baby down for just a minute and he/she is finally content, you need to focus on your marriage. Your marriage is way more important than your friendships. It’s very easy to get exhausted and stressed out, especially when there’s a tiny human constantly demanding something from you. But don’t forget your spouse. There’s nothing worse than being disconnected from your spouse.
5. Enough talking, more kissing.
- I know for me I love to talk and I love telling my husband all about my day. He listens and he loves to hear me talk, but I know he would rather have some random kisses thrown in there too. Why not surprise the love of our life with something he truly loves. 🙂 One kiss goes a little way, ten kisses goes more.
6. Let go, and enjoy the moment.
- I know it’s difficult for us mamas to be affectionate with hubby when there’s a baby crying, a toddler tearing the house apart, and dirty dishes stacked high in the sink. These are all distractions and obviously some good ones (besides the dirty dishes). Seriously though. Showing your husband that you love him and giving him 60 seconds of your time will make a world of difference in your marriage!
7. Learn to laugh during stressful moments.
- It’s true. There will be stressful times with a baby. And sometimes you
mayask yourself, “what the heck am I doing here?” When those moments appear, grab your spouse, look him in the eye and with a big sigh, laugh. Just do it and believe me. It works. You don’t have it all figured out and neither does he. That’s why laughing is the best medicine. It’ll relief the tension.
8. Ditch the TV
- I know it’s so easy to just turn the box on at night when the kids are finally knocked out for the night. But this doesn’t really connect you and your husband. You’re relying on something else to entertain the both of you. Of course there are those days when being entertained by something else is PERFECT! But don’t make it a habit. Read a book together, play games, talk, cuddle. Do all sorts of fun things!
9. Pray together.
- This one is key! My husband and I pray every morning together before he leaves for work. Those two minutes in prayer together set the tone for the day. I know that I have him by my side and he’ll join me in prayer even during the toughest times. It also tells me that he knows the importance of prayer in order to keep our marriage alive.
10. Say I love you.
- This may seem like a no brainer but really, it’s very easy to get caught up in the everyday busyness and actually forget to say those three words to your lover. Say it every morning and every night. Don’t let the romance die.
- I can’t even emphasize how important this one is! Flirt often, make out daily, hug each other, and serve him. You don’t stop dating just because you’re married now. Dating must remain throughout marriage. And it’s super hard to keep it up when there are little ones around but even if this means dedicating one day a week (be flexible) to create an in home date night! You won’t regret it. Also hold hands whenever you can. It can be difficult with a toddler and an infant car seat, so when you get the chance, hold his hand!
I know these truths/tips sound easy for the most part, but actually committing to it is the real deal. There are so many days when my husband comes home from his very long day of work and I’ve had my very long day and we are both pooped. And honestly kicking my feet up and not being touched by another human being sounds like a beautiful (but unrealistic) thought. But instead I turn my focus to hubby. I let him talk all about his day, relax, and sometimes we just cuddle and doze off for a few minutes (don’t worry, a crying baby always wakes me up from that kind of slumber!).
Someday the babies will grow up. The only ones left will be you and hubby. Keeping the romance alive and spicy will grow you and hubby closer and closer throughout the years. It does no good to keep up with everything else and leave your marriage in the dust.
Seriously. Enjoy your spouse. Make the most out of the time spent together. Worry less and love more.
You won’t regret it.