Mamas, it’s midweek! Woohoo! But even though that’s like a huge deal, it doesn’t really matter in the mama world. Weekends are just another jumble mumble of days and it doesn’t even mean we can sleep in! So I guess there’s no real BIG celebration for making it, except that the kids are still alive and the household is somewhat in order (does that count?).

So I have some really important advice to share with you! *HINT! HINT!* When I mention advice you might want to actually pull out your notebook and take notes because it doesn’t happen very often that I have something crazy important to say! But I want to share with you the top five things every mother goes through. AND the number one secret no one ever tells a new mother.

Because seriously, I know you have gone through this situation at least once and in your mind you thought, “how the heck did no one tell me this was going to happen!” Face it mamas, it happens to every single freakin’ mama out there. I know this because if it’s happened to me then it’s definitely happened to everyone else.

Let’s first get through my list of the top five secrets no one tells a mama. It’s kind of gruesome because ah, there’s like no way around it. Once you become a mama there’s like no escape from these secrets. Eventually they will become realities and maybe you will have the nerve to share them with your next door neighbor who just so happens to be expecting her first baby!

Here we go:

1. You will appreciate your mother so much more–in fact, you will find yourself calling your mom, crying on the phone, and asking her for HELP!
2. You will have no shame about your naked body in front of little people–reality check and maybe TMI (I don’t know?!) BUT forget about peaceful warm long showers. Little people will find a way into your bathroom, they will annoy you, stare at you, and then make you laugh all at the same time. True story.
3. There’s no such thing as a Saturday morning! (do I need to explain further?) Honestly, this one hurts the most!
4. You will repeat yourself 10,000 times a day–I promise.
5. You will sing and dance and make silly sounds anywhere in the freaking world just to make your kid(s) happy.

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So yeah, those are realities, those are secrets I didn’t know and if someone had told me beforehand I would’ve just laughed. It’s the truth though. Every mother will go through these at some point in her motherhood life.

Ready for the biggest, ugliest, and fattest motherhood secret?

Your level of embarrassment will go from ten to zero in no time. Because right after baby is born you will find yourself talking about poop, pee, spit up. AND just wait until toddlerhood arrives and you have to deal with tantrums in public and spank or no spank, they will scream and make you look like the worst mother in the whole wide world.

Yeah that might be one of the biggest secrets but the absolutely biggest and fattest of them all…

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… YOU will never regret your two legged DNA’s following you around. 

Kiddos know how the annoy the poop out of you BUT they also know how to make you the happiest individual ever alive. Once they smile it’s like all of your worries, problems, and struggles melt away and turn into snuggles and “I love you!”

It’s true, mama.

Just think back to the first time you really lost your cool with your offspring. Your mama blood boiled right over and you looked at your child and thought (maybe even said): “for the love of pete, who raised you?!”

Maybe this happened in your house so no one heard you. Maybe outside…now it’s getting a little more public. Or maybe in the grocery store for every single individual on the face of this planet to hear!!!!

But then you stop. Stare at your kid and think, “heck, that’s my child, and yet right now I can’t even stand your face!”

Motherhood brings the real in you:

Mamas, this is normal. It happens to every single mother and don’t ever think it won’t happen to you. It will. But if you are anything like a crazy normal mother, you will deny ever speaking (or thinking) those words and never regret a day with your little people.

So is that what you thought the fattest and ugliest truth was? I mean, it makes perfect sense.

These are your little people after all so how can you NOT love them, even when they driveyouabsolutelycrazierthancrazy!!!!!!!!!

Motherhood is hard. It’s not for the fainthearted. But you can do it.

I believe in you.

Peace out mamas, my motherly duties call my name.