If you’re a mom I’m sure you’ve heard phrases such as:
“It’s only a season, it will pass.”
“You have your hands full.”
“I’m sure you stay plenty busy.”
“Don’t worry, someday they’ll be all grown up.”
“It’s a phase.”
And many more.
Do any of these ever annoy you? I feel like motherhood has reached this new mentality of, “Get through the day, count down the hours until bedtime, and yes, you made it.” This
new mentality has a really great way of taking the joy out of motherhood and replacing it with, “Just a few more hours, or a few more years, or a few more of whatever you’re knee deep in.”
And really, that kills all joyful things motherhood brings. We start to view each day as painful, and a drudgery. Just another day to get through and survive. Almost as if it’s survival mode and nothing else.
Honestly, this type of parenting sets you up as viewing your life being drained by little humans. Sure, I won’t lie: children have a perfect way of draining the very last ounce of patience out of you. But mentality is everything. If you constantly tell yourself, “My kids are so exhausting” or “I can’t anymore with them” or “I’m so tired, don’t sleep, and I don’t even know what I’m doing.”
STOP! You were called to live life abundantly (John 10:10).
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been there so many times, but my new personal growth is to take the stress out of motherhood and stop saying everything is chaotic. I want to enjoy the joyful moments and love more than I ever knew possible. I know it’s hard. In fact, it’s easier to lose your patience and yell, then to remain calm in the midst of mess.
Does this Sound like You?
Being overburdened with all the things of motherhood is a real deal. You sacrifice so much everyday, all day. Be intentional with every day. I don’t know about you, but I feel pretty rotten the second after I yell at my kids. So I try with all the prayer, and strength I have to stop yelling (a soft answer turns away anger Proverbs 15:1). It matters so much how you talk to your children and also how you talk to yourself. What you do affects everything and then you can mother better.
Of course the crap day will happen. It’s normal. You expect too much from the kids, yourself, the day, everything and everyone. Hit the restart button and go. Revaluate and decide how you’re going to take the next step. It’s how you react in the moment that will affect the remaining of the day. You’re living life. Remember it’s not always going to be perfect and that’s perfectly ok. Dropping the expectations and choosing basic things to do throughout your day will put everything into perspective.
Let the Little Things GO
You can’t be everywhere at the same time. If one kids spills juice on the carpet, or another child dumps the bag of crackers and steps on them, view it as “it happens”. Yelling at the situation won’t change it. Don’t lose your cool because of little messes. There’s never an excuse to yell. No one hears you when you yell. They just hear your spirit, but NOT YOU.
Look at the bigger picture. The mess happened. Freaking out as a parent won’t undo the mess. Deep exhales go a long way. Spare your kids from mean mommy. Determine what’s a big deal and what really matters.
I want to be a happy mom. Joy is simple but you have to choose whether to choose joy for that moment or anger.
Limit ALL Distractions
Put your phone away. Turn off the TV. Your kids want you more than anything. They want your time. Social Media distracts and pulls you away from your family. It just does. It’s also full of lies, judgement, and comparison. Set time aside daily to spend quality time with each child individually. If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail. Plan to throw away all distractions.
Other areas of distractions are laundry and dishes. These are the two biggest areas of a mom’s life that take up her time. It sucks our energy, time, and focus from our family.
Again, choose what you need to keep and what needs to go. I guarantee you still have clothes from college (possibly even high school). Have you worn it in the past 6 months? Are you just hanging onto it for the sake of “having more?” (Been there, done that). Declutter your kids’ stuff. Their clothes and toys. You’ll feel better once you get rid of too much.
Also, dishes. Everyone has too much of the plastic kids dishes. Spoons, forks, knives, plates, cups, bowls, sippy cups, SO MUCH. Purge. Get rid of stuff that doesn’t get used, or is just super old and gross. You’ll have less dishes to wash once you do this and less is more time you can spend with your family.
Simplify Your Life
Limiting all these distractions will simplify your life. You’ll be amazed how much more relieved, stressed free, and less overwhelmed you’ll feel when you get rid of too much stuff. The focus is about spending more time together and decluttering will give you that victory in your motherhood.
I don’t want you to wake up everyday with the mentality “Ugh another day, I just can’t.” I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed, and drowning in the chaos, almost as if you just can’t anymore or simply don’t want to. This doesn’t have to be you. You have the most important job in the entire world. Your life is a ministry to your children. Taking a little bit of time daily and/or weekly to get rid of the “mess”. Honestly, mess makes us stressed out, we have a hard time thinking, and we can’t look beyond it. Having less is the key to a long term happiness and joyful motherhood.
I encourage you to try this. Remember, take actions, serve yourself, your family, your joy, and your purpose. You matter and you are doing this for you. Motherhood is too short to stress out and hate the days. It’s a process and a journey but wake up every day knowing that you are to live in abundance and you can’t do that when you are constantly swamped in mess.