When I Decided to Love You More

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Let’s be honest. Bedtime can be uber stressful. Amen?

I mean, maybe you’re supermom and your kid goes to bed all by himself and doesn’t make a peep for 12 hours.

Ya, no. Maybe you’re more like me and you have to cuddle kid #1 for x amount of time. You think kid #1 is asleep so you sneak away. But you barely make it out of the room and that child sits straight up in bed and starts fussing. However, you also have kid #2 so you can’t ignore that child. Eventually you give up and bring both kids in bed with you.

Yes, that’s a real life scenario that took place more than my two hands can count together.

Any regrets?
Nada.

But recently we started sleep training with baby numero dos. She’s almost one. My mama heart is breaking because she’s almost one, which means she’s almost two, and almost two means she’s almost twenty and eventually she won’t need me anymore.

Emotions are real. Mama hearts are a real deal.

So I finally get both kids in bed. I walk in their rooms 100 more times before I finally crash (because let’s face it, all moms stay up an extra hour at night just to soak in that tranquility).

But babies are asleep. I slouch on the couch, pull out my computer and catch myself browsing Facebook. And then my emotional, loving mama heart always goes back to her babies. I check on them again, but in a different way. I pull up old photos from three months ago, six months ago, and twelve months ago. And just like that I miss my babies and good golly gosh, I kind of want to go in their rooms and snuggle them each (but not really).

And it’s just like that. A mom’s love is unconditional. We deal with our kids all day long. Some of us (AKA me) don’t get any alone time unless it’s 4am, 2pm, or 11pm. Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind over nothing and other times I definitely lose my mind over real deal circumstances.

But nothing these little people do will ever make me love them less. And right when it hits 11:30pm, I peak in their rooms one last time and plant little kisses on their foreheads and wait for tomorrow to arrive and do it all over again.

No regrets. I love them so and for that I am thankful to be a mama.

 

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