A few weeks ago I started to realize something about myself. Something I didn’t necessarily like. There was this new, unknown, and also unfavorable emotion creeping inside of my heart.
I started to end each day with an exclamation, “I made it, another one down!” And by 10am of each day, I would tell myself, “Ten more hours…”
I also realized I was just trying to get through the day and not appreciate every single moment with my littles. My body was exhausted. But my mommy heart hurt more the moment I realized this.
That’s when I opened my Bible and God told me that I’m focusing on me more and not showing my toddler enough love. I change diapers around the clock, I clean up messes all day long, I race through the grocery store before my toddler throws his fit and my 7 month old wants to breastfeed for the 100th time that day!
But God is gracious, isn’t he? He pointed me to this verse:
“God, if You loved me that much, I know that I should give love to other.”
My heart broke. I wasn’t giving my toddler enough grace, forgiveness, and love. It still hurts for me to admit this, but mama I want to help you if you’re going through this phase too.
And then that moment when dinnertime isn’t going to happen, the toddler let’s all his emotions lose, and my 7 month old fell backwards on the tile floor, God speaks to me and says, “Find rest in these moment, precious daughter. I love you in your emotional outbursts too!”
It’s the stupid to-do list that stresses me out. When I set expectations for myself and my day and nothing goes as planned, that’s when I stress out.
So today and every other day to come, my focus is on my children.
I Will Love More
A two year old is only two for one year.
A seven month old is only seven months for 30 days.
In the moment when my two year threw a major moment, God spoke to me and said, “be still, find peace, and love more.” After bawling my eyes out and looking at my toddler with a tear stained face, I pick him up and burry my face into his little shoulder apologize for being too concerned with the unloaded dishwasher, the huge pile of dirty laundry, and the unmade beds.
I apologized for yelling at him and being rude and not loving more.
The unmade bed won’t affect tomorrow. It will affect my child though. Because mommy focused more on cleaning and less on playing. More on stressing out about undone things and less on loving.
So today I will appreciate the little tantrums, the screams and cries, the countless changed diapers, and the rocks and sticks collected on our morning walks. I will smile more, frown less.
Be thankful more, complain less.
Those tiny souls are worth it.