Single parents, I admire you. I freaking heck admire your strength. Your patience. Your endurance. I mean, heck, you are freaking superheroes because you do it all.
Lately I’ve been the dad and mom of this family. And let me just say: it sucks and it’s hard! Being a mama is already hard but getting zero breaks by the end of the day, really wears you out. I should be used to this. I mean, my husband went on a seven month deployment last year. But hello, I have an extra human being to take care of now. I’m not used to this.
And I don’t like it.
This season of life y’all, it’s hard. There are no breaks. There’s no such thing as “give me five minutes to use the bathroom. FIVE MINUTES!” Nope. It’s more like, “Oh my gosh, are you for real? Okay fine, come with mommy.”
So my husband is in Nuclear Power School right now. Tough stuff. Y’all I don’t know how he does it. He’s like a freaking genius. The thing is though, he’s studying upwards of 40-50 hours a week (on top of a 40 hour work week!). SAY WHAT? I know. It’s insane. He’s always at the schoolhouse cranking that study time. This leaves me to my children. ALONE.
I have an almost 2 year old (yay for terrible 2’s) and a 3 month old (hitting that 4 month sleep regression phase!). You guessed it. I never sleep.
I love motherhood and I also struggle with it (pretty much a given). My babies are my life. They are the reason I smile every day and I’m so thankful to be their mama.
But parenting without a hubby around most days, really has me in the funk about this whole season of life.
I have two littles. I’m in love with them. But me? Well, I sometimes feel so overwhelmed and lost. I can’t keep up for one and two, I hate just making it through each day and thinking “ah, another day down!” No. I hate that. I want to enjoy every single freaking minuscule second.
This season of life has me feeling alone. No, I’m not lonely. Gosh, I honestly wouldn’t mind 5 minutes, let alone 2 minutes alone. I constantly have little people climbing on me or clinging to me. So no, I’m not lonely. I feel alone. Mamas need help. They need to be reminded that we are doing more than enough, we have little people with a mind of their own, and we live inside a body that’s constantly changing.
I feel lonely because I am doing this whole mama thing alone. We moved to our new duty station six months ago and I still have yet to make a close mommy friend. Yes- I know these things take time. But I think it’s okay for me to say that I feel alone. This is a dry season. I mommy 24/7. I’m exhausted.
It’s okay, right?
I mean, it’ll get better eventually, yeah? It won’t always be this difficult, lonely, and exhausting, or will it?
People. I’m a real mom just like you. This mess is for real. I yell, cry, and stuff chocolate in my face when no one is looking. I’m tired. My mommy skills are still new. And sometimes I feel too young for this job.
The truth is: I don’t like it
- I hate that my husband has to be in school 14-16 hours a day.
- I hate that I have to do it all alone–every single freaking day.
- I hate feeling lost and alone.
- I fall asleep while reading to my son
- I crawl in bed at the end of each day and say, “YES, I made it!”
The REAL truth:
I don’t want to just get by and count off another day.
And so yes. The truth is, it’s hard. This stuff is real hard. There are nights I fall asleep thinking about tomorrow and if maybe I won’t feel so alone.
My husband can’t comfort me right now. He’s swamped with life. Because the truth is, we live separate lives. My heart cries when he leaves for work because he gets to leave; I’m stuck with a toddler and a newborn and I have no freaking idea how the day will play out since one is bipolar (seriously, toddlers).
Maybe you’ve dealt with something like this. Or maybe you’re going through a funk right now.
I need help.
There. I said it.
I need help. I’m just human and I can’t do it all, obviously because a part of me feels like a failure at it.
This season of life is real. It’s challenging and it’s hard adulting day after day.
Just know you’re not alone out there mama. I feel you. I get your heart. And though we’re not together, we can at least share our hearts, fill our mouths with chocolate, and drink lattes (yeah, call me crunchy mommy).
Love you sweet mama.