Last night I had a sad mommy moment. My eight month old fell. He’s fallen down many times and he’s bumped his head, but last night was one for the books. He pulled himself up on the dishwasher door as I was loading it. The floor was a little wet from his zippy cup and of course he would fall. And cut his lip. You know that scream that lasts for only seconds but feels like minutes? The one where there’s no breathing and their face turns bright red and you suddenly go through a list of numbers and friends you could call because maybe this is more serious than you actually thought? Yeah, that happened last night. Oh and let’s not forget, this kind of stuff ONLY ever happens when daddy leaves. Seriously, though, why does this stuff always happen when I’m by myself.
My little dude screamed and screamed and then the blood came and more blood and after a good minute the first napkin was full of blood so I grabbed another one and then another and thank goodness for my awesome milk pops I bought a while back, I gave him one to suck on and the world was better again. But gosh, when something bad happens to your kiddies, you suddenly blame yourself for everything. I told myself that the dishes could’ve waited. I should’ve been paying more attention to him and not be so worried with a clean kitchen. Then I reminded myself that this kind of stuff happens and more of it will come. I’m trying to ignore that inner critic I have. She’s pretty strong most days and tells me all these lies that aren’t even remotely true but I make myself believe so.
It’s insane how much we actually believe that little voice. Gosh, I’d smack the living tar out of the person that talked crap like this to my daughter, if I ever have one. I wouldn’t let anyone speak those words to my friends or family. But then why do I put up with that crappy voice? The one who tells me I’m a terrible mama because I failed to catch my curious, high energy eight month old. Or I’m a terrible wife because I didn’t send lunch with my husband. Or I’m a terrible friend because I didn’t text that one friend who really needed help. All these thoughts of self-criticism slip through my mind and suddenly I realize I just gave myself a super poor evaluation but oddly enough, I believe it to be true. And so the thought of fear, self-destruction, and hurt sink in and I doubt everything I thought I could do five seconds ago and now tell myself I will never be good at anything.
Mamas, it is so easy to criticize yourself because we are women and we try to be all-powerful and superheroes at everything we do. NO! You can’t. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to say “I can’t do it on my own!” It’s better to get to that point than sink into depression and self-destructing criticism. I’m a fault for doing that every single day and lately I catch myself doing that more and more. And if you don’t believe you do this, just think back to this morning and what you told yourself as you were getting ready. Why did you apply foundation, concealer, and Â blush to your already beautiful face? But we’re women and we hold such high standards for ourselves and we aren’t ashamed to say we are terrible at something, failures at other things, and incompatible for our goals and dreams. And we feel judged because we live in a judgmental world with a ton of criticism. I bet if you go makeup-less for one day, other mamas will admire you because YOU HAD the nerve to be real. Heck, life is real, motherhood is real, we are real people with real issues. You know that hashtag ‘keeping it real’? Go ahead and actually apply that hashtag to today’s agenda, it’ll remove a lot of unnecessary stress and the need to feel like you have to be perfect.
So next time you are tempted to throw yourself under the bus, stop and say “I am beautiful, I am worth it, and I can do it!” Go kick butt and destroy all negativity today with a beautiful smile. You are gorgeous mama and no one should have the ability to tear you down, definitely not that inner voice sneaking through your already busy life.
Be blessed loves.